HOUSTON: Wants no part of that gator anywhere around Lilburn

By Debra Houston   |  A Gwinnett man found a five-foot alligator in his pond recently. The Georgia Department of Natural Resources sent out a specialist to investigate.

The agency thinks the animal came up the Yellow River, which is nearby.  According to WSB-TV, the DNR may not do anything about it. The laid-back gator isn’t bothering a soul. Maybe he’ll just move on. Yes, but where?

The story seemed quaint until I learned the pond was in Lilburn. Hey, that’s where I live. We need to talk.

May I address the 450-pound gorilla in the room? Yes, that silverback who found itself a target when a boy fell into the enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo. Officials killed the animal and then all hell broke loose. Animal lovers everywhere protested, claiming the primate wasn’t hurting the boy. Why kill it? The zoo said the gorilla was unpredictable and there was no time to spare.

So I wonder, why we aren’t concerned about a rambling gator? Have you seen the teeth on those suckers? I suspect big gators have big appetites. A dog, cat, or small child might satiate a ravenous reptile. And if it were dumb (smart?) enough to swim up a river, it might be stupid enough to stroll through the neighborhood where the kids are playing.

I don’t want a five-foot reptile wandering down Main Street in Old Town.  We had a couple of harmless guinea fowl parading around there once that possibly met their fate when a fox or coyote devoured them. Coyotes in Gwinnett — that’s weird, too.

But no, I don’t want anyone to hurt the gator. I think the DNR should transport the crazy thing back to its natural habitat, and if the agency refuses, then it should contact PETA. They’ll save anything — a gator, a gorilla, or even a garden snail.

In fact, I think we’d do the gator a huge favor by sending it packing. By now it has surely figured out there are no lady gators in Lilburn. It is spring, and we know where a gator’s fancy turns to at this time of year.

I say send that lonely gator home, somebody. He is certainly not welcomed here in my natural habitat of Lilburn.